The biggest lie I tell myself
is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember
it."
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the
dryer for ten minutes; come out
wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
Last year I joined a
support group for procrastinators. We haven't met
yet!
I don't trip over things, I do random gravity
checks!
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop
pissing me off!
Old age is coming at a really bad
time!
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I
cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally
snap!
I don't have white hair, I have "wisdom
highlights". I'm just very wise.
My people skills are just
fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
If God
wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my
knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I
text back "no" which is shorter than "yes"
.
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure
what I'll do that second week.
When did it change from "We
the people" to "screw the people" ?
Even duct tape
can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to
press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I
can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself,
sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out
loud?
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
Chocolate comes from
cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is
Salad !!!
And, of course.. Have I sent this to you already...
or did you send this to me?
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