a family apology
59savoy
Posted 2016-06-24 11:10 PM (#515025)
Subject: a family apology



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Location: central oklahoma!

some of you may have noticed my recent return.  some may have wondered where i've been, and particularly why i was absent from the "upper board".  though i have declined to comment on the reasons for some time, i suppose now is as good a time as any.

i know many of you remember the great fun we had at tulsarama back in 2007.  it was a great time, and a real high water mark for the board.  participation surged, and this place became busier than ever.  the forwardlook family was always truly that, a family.  we first showed our rallying spirit over joe vicenzi, which proved to be a fraud.  nonetheless, the family in fins forum became a solid fixture here.  however, like any family, it began to have it's share of dysfunction.

not even 2 years after tulsa, i made the difficult decision to take a job offer and close down my practice.  the benefits were simply too great, given the uncertainties of life as i was approaching the age of 50.  how right i turned out to be.  to make a long story short, between september of 2010 and august of 2013, i buried 8 family members and friends.  when my brother was diagnosed with cancer, i chose not to post it here.  i discussed it privately with uncle walt, and he completely understood my decision.  sadly, that was not the end of the losses and grieving.  i will not comment further as to that.  

suffice it to say, we all deal with our challenges in our own way.  i continued to do the best i could at moderating while not wanting sympathy or to spend additional time dwelling on very unpleasant subjects.  on balance, i have done what was best for me, and think i have handled things as well as i could.  on the other hand, the dysfunctionality over truly trivial matters can lead someone to find their limits, and i was no exception.

i realize this may come as a surprise to those of you who know me well, as i tend to be a very gregarious and indeed open person.  however, i greatly dislike manipulative people and never wanted my duties as a mod to be clouded with personal issues i was dealing with.  when the demands on my time became too great, i did what i had to do.  now, i am back because i have always greatly enjoyed it here.  while life has dealt me some incredible gut-punches dating back to childhood, it has also shown me incredibly good fortune.  i decided as a child that i would never define myself as a victim.

please do not misunderstand this post.  it is not about sympathy, venting, or excuses.  i have been out of touch, and deliberately avoiding the one area where we hopefully would truly come together.  it's not because i didn't care, but rather that i needed privacy.  while i am stunned to learn about neil's passing, and will likely learn many other things i should have known about, i can't make things better so long after the fact.  suffice it to say, i have had my own selfish reasons, and felt that some explanation was in order.

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Rebels-59
Posted 2016-06-25 7:43 AM (#515052 - in reply to #515025)
Subject: Re: a family apology



Board Moderator & Exner Expert 10K+

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Location: .Norfolk..Mafia.. ,England UK
Tulsa was awesome for the Forwardlook family to to finally meet each other and have a few Beers. And finally put a face from behind the keyboard..

Everyone has their own ways with dealings of life Dave, Some need to express it whilst others take a step away to deal with things privately .. what ever way you chose is your decision and doesnt need be scrutinised ..

Glad to have you back posting mate...

Clive

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wizard
Posted 2016-06-25 9:46 AM (#515064 - in reply to #515025)
Subject: Re: a family apology



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Location: Southern Sweden - Sturkö island
Whish I had been at Tulsa - seems like it was a lot of fun.

For me you were never really gone Dave - I missed your posts but I was convinced that you would start posting again.

Good to have you here again my friend!
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