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The worst day of my life Moderators: Bart_59_Dodge Jump to page : 1 2 Now viewing page 1 [50 messages per page] | View previous thread :: View next thread |
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Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | Full of hopes and optimism I drove to Toowoomba hospital today. My wife, Janet, was helivacced there last week from the closer-to-home Stanthorpe hospital last Saturday after 24 hours in there. She's had pneumonia for over two months. At the beginning, a doctor suggested she might have lung cancer, but then relented on that and the treatments she had were all for pneumonia. She has had a terrible hacking cough all that time. On Friday last she was suddenly much worse, hence the trip to the hospital. By Saturday afternoon the doctors were suggesting liver and lung cancer. She phoned me and told me, I knew she knew this was trouble as her father died of liver cancer in just seven weeks. Once in Toowoomba doctors got to her, one suggested it might not be cancer, just the pneumonia. Monday morning at 2:45 they phoned me and told me they had to drain the sac around the heart, it was full of fluid and that was the reason she had a dramatically fast heartbeat and was so weak and breathing so badly. The heart is unable to expand and contract under those conditions, so pumps very little blood. He told me it was a routine procedure, but fraught with danger if anything went wrong. I went back to the hospital. With the drain successfully in place, he briefed me in the most pessimistic terms about her supposed condition. But samples of the fluid were to be sent away for testing and that would determine exactly what was wrong. I am naturally optimistic. I clung to every possible excuse to believe it wasn't cancer, but almost exactly seven days after my wife first got really distressed, the event that led to her going to hospital, we were told that unless they can improve the liver condition so she can withstand permanent holes being cut in that sac to drain it, which is open-chest surgery most of the time, and then can go on to improve in general condition to be able to cope with chemotherapy, her time will be measured in days and weeks, not months. If she can get that help, some comfort will be derived from the chemo and some slowing of the cancer's progress. She might have two or three months. But no longer. Three people here briefly met my wife during our sojourn to your shores just one year ago. She has never been perfect, but she has been my wife for twenty four years, six months and six days. We were planning another trip across the USA, and also to Europe, next year, but that's now out of the question for her. And she didn't quite finish that hooch that the Can Man gave her when we were there. | ||
wizard |
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Board Moderator & Exner Expert 10K+ Posts: 13042 Location: Southern Sweden - Sturkö island | May the light shine upon you and ease your pain in all this darkness Ray. | ||
fenix |
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Expert Posts: 2119 Location: atlanta | Awful news. I hope there are people there for You physically, and we will all be here for You in spirit. I'm sure there are no words right now that will lessen the pain and dispair Your suffering. | ||
big m |
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Expert 5K+ Posts: 7805 Location: Williams California | Ray- So sorry to see this, but I and M'lisa will pray for a turnaround for Janet. ---John | ||
Rebels-59 |
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Board Moderator & Exner Expert 10K+ Location: .Norfolk..Mafia.. ,England UK | Sorry to hear this Ray, Stay strong for your wife in her darkest days, Clive UK | ||
Beltran |
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Expert Posts: 1730 Location: Michigan | Thoughts are with you Ray and for Janet who I hope finds some miraculous way to get better. It's good to stay positive. It will help her deal with all this. | ||
fast59desoto |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 929 Location: Finger Lakes NY | I wish good luck to you and your wife and Jess and I will keep your family in our prayers | ||
Powerflite |
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Expert 5K+ Posts: 9604 Location: So. Cal | Very sorry to hear that Ray. You should prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Cherish the time while you have it. | ||
56RoyalLancer |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 608 Location: Madison, Wisconsin | So very sorry to hear your news Ray. Our family has been touched by cancer three times in the last couple of years. I know what you are going through. You and your wife are in our thoughts and prayers. Edited by 56RoyalLancer 2013-11-01 3:48 PM | ||
Doctor DeSoto |
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Location: Parts Unknown | So sorry, Ray. This stuff sucks. | ||
ttotired |
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Expert 5K+ Posts: 8443 Location: Perth Australia | Sorry to hear this about your Wife Ray | ||
BigBlockMopar |
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Expert Posts: 3575 Location: Netherlands | Best hopes and wishes to both of you Ray! | ||
jimntempe |
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Expert Posts: 2312 Location: Arizona | I'm so sorry to hear this Ray. Cherish her with the time remaining... there is no way to sugar coat what you and her are going thru. I wish you both much strenght. | ||
wbower3 |
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Walter passed away on Jul 29, 2014. We will miss you, Walt! Posts: 5358 Location: Heaven Above (Formerly Oklahoma City,OK) | God be with you and Janet Ray. I went from Stage 4 lung cancer to possibly remission if a few months. It can happen. Be positive, it helped/is helping me deal wit it. | ||
earleebob |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 1120 Location: Brisbane, Australia | G'day Mate, so sorry to hear about Janet's condition. Terry and I will be praying for her and you in this distressing time. Dont give up hope! Bob Edited by earleebob 2013-11-02 5:06 AM | ||
VAN HELSING |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 982 Location: Upper Hunter NSW Australia | ..... . Thinking only good thoughts and wishes here Ray for you and your wife. Been on chemo here, still on maintenance therapy now, it ain't nice stuff , fighting it makes you think differently about life and what is really important . I know it's hard at times and it does get you down but never ever give up Ray, both of you fight like you've never done before and always try and stay positive all along. All the best wishes, Terry. ....... . | ||
FIN ME |
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Expert Posts: 2788 Location: USA - KY | . Prayers of hope and serenity from me to you and your treasured wife, Ray. I'm so sorry to hear this news; I'm wishing you the best of possible outcomes. Blessings to you both. . | ||
DIF-RNT |
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Location: NE Ohio | Sorry to hear about your wife ..... | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | Thank you folks for your kind thoughts... Only time will tell the outcome of this. But through the maze of confused thought and hundreds of phone calls from friends I have had what I consider to be the best of news. One friend visited her yesterday, he related something she said to him that is more meaningful to me than anything else. I should say here that our 24 years, six months and eight days of marriage have not all been bliss and contentment, she has given me some very hard times as I probably have her. But the expression she used to our friend said it all... she does love me. If there is to be a miracle, so it will be. But I'm not counting on it and I'm totally relying on our faith in our creator to enable us to one day be reunited, it is something we both firmly believe in and have been looking for all our lives. She told him she wants me to be there waiting for her to be resurrected. - Romans 6:7; John 5:28, 29; Psalm 37:10, 11. Janet told our friend, "I hope Ray is there waiting for me to be resurrected." Her faith in God is secure, her faith in me I hope I can live up to. | ||
Jessica |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 1053 Location: Ny | Jeff already chimed in for us earlier, but I wanted to send you my wishes for healing and comfort. Hoping for the best possible outcome, and we are keeping you in our thoughts. | ||
57Kelii |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 691 Location: Los Angeles, California | I send my best wishes...I hope for a quick recovery. | ||
Diesel45 |
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Expert Posts: 1539 Location: Farnborough. Hampshire. England. | Thinking of you and your missus Ray, stay strong mate..... Fred.. 8 years ago, I PM'd you and asked you to how to master Irfanview software..Remember ? ... Thanks for that mate.... | ||
PaulH |
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Regular Posts: 85 Location: River Falls, WI | Ray, so glad you're both trusting in your Savior, especially at this time in your lives. I'm glad to have met you on that photo shoot in Adelaide in '07. Would have loved to get better aquainted at that time. I have just completed a summer-long regimen of chemo therapy my self with a good prognosis ahead, so I have some idea of the issues and emotions and side effects involved. Cherish the time; none of us ever get more than a day at a time to share with loved ones. You'll be in my prayers. Remember life is short, but Jesus is forever and joy comes in the morning. Paul Hoffmeyer River Falls, WI USA | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | Paul, I have been thinking of you and your wife... Wisconsin is on my schedule for my May/June trip and I'd love to stop in and see you. It would result, no doubt, in us sitting up all night talking and learning about each other. My (very loose) schedule for the trip is: Late May - fly to LA, get up to Williams and (I'm expecting) take possession of a pickup to be selected by John Fowlie. Drive to Vancouver. From there I will revisit Spokane, cross the top of Idaho and head through Montana again, with everything east of Butte being new to me. Yellowstone National Park, the grasslands of Wyoming, Devil's Peak, Mt Rushmore and the Black Hills will be seen as I drive through both North and South Dakota and across to Minnesota. In Wisconsin I have one major objective, to see the Elkhart Lake circuit. It would be great to visit you on the way through, but I won't be stopping anywhere for long as I have to go on to Chicago, Muskegan and Detroit. I think I'll cross into Canada there and go to Toronto before dropping down again to Watkins Glen. I don't know, but I expect I will fly out of Canada to go to Europe. After six to eight weeks the other side of the Atlantic, to be spent driving around in a brand new Peugeot 208 1.4 turbo-diesel ($45 a day on all expenses covered lease) - during which time it would be nice to catch up with Fred, maybe Vitesse and a few others (please PM me if you want me to include you in my schedule for a brief visit), I'll return to North America and point the pickup down the eastern seaboard, cross a few southern states and visit my son in Indiana. By September I should be driving up Pikes Peak before heading down the drive through Durango, on to the North Rim and Phoenix AZ where I have a bunch of stuff to pick up. From there it will probably be a bit of a rush to get to Long Beach where I'll set the pickup up for sea travel and I'll fly on home. Yes, it will be a busy trip. I've been planning it for a few months and my wife would have been with me. Without her I'll have a bit more freedom to visit people and I'll need to keep busy. And in England I'll catch up with her eldest son. He and his little family wanted to go to England for his wife to see grandparents and her great grandfather one more time... and other family. There will be an event in England some time in August to which we would have been going and they also wanted to, but their budget was simply unable to cover it. Amelia had tried to persuade Ashley that $4000 they were setting aside for a trip within Australia should be added to for this purpose, but Ashley knew they would fall way short of the necessary amounts - they work hard, but the bills pile up with two kids. After we got the final news on Friday, I leaned over to Janet and said, "Darling, if you can't go to London, why don't we use the money you'd allocated for the trip to help Ashley and Amelia get there?" Without hesitation she replied, "That would be nice!" I went away to work over the weekend and left it to her to break the news to this lovely young family. Yesterday she instructed me to get all of her affairs in order, get her bank accounts (carrying what's left of her inheritance from her mother, not a lot of money, but a useful amount) into joint names, get power of attorney set up for me to act on her behalf, transfer her car and insurances to my name, fix up interment arrangements so she can rest easy without having to worry about anything in the short time she has left. This is, essentially, the same as she did for her mother three years ago. "It makes things so easy," she assured me. The next thing I have to do is twist the calendar so we can have our Silver wedding anniversary. I reckon the stress and pain of the last two weeks is worth six months in any book, so the date can come forward by that much, can't it? Our 25th is due the same day as a friend's 50th, so I'm arranging for them to come to the hospital for a quiet little 'celebration' that we were actually planning to have a a barbecue in the bush next April. | ||
57burb |
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Expert Posts: 3966 Location: DFW, TX | Ray, I'm sorry for these circumstances, but I do commend you and Janet both on how you are dealing with them. Unfortunately we are all human and therefore mortal, but understanding that doesn't make the pain any less. Prayers and thoughts to you and your family in this time! -Danny | ||
imopar380 |
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Expert 5K+ Posts: 7205 Location: Victoria, BC, on Vancouver Island, Canada | Ray, keep the faith ~ this life is only a short and temporary stay in the vast eternity that we have to look forward to! I am sorry for your pain and am offering up a prayer for you both. God bless. | ||
d500neil |
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Exner Expert 19,174 posts. Neil passed away 18 Sep 2015. You will be missed, Neil! Posts: 19146 Location: bishop, ca | Good on ya'll, Ray! Your wife is fortunate that the docs figured out that they should drain her pericardial cavity, because when that sac gets congested, it can cause the heart to stop beating. Years ago, a woman died from an auto accident, wherein the decellerative forces slightly ruptured her heart's Superior Vena cava, so that her heart sac very slowly filled with seeping blood, which killed her, by restricting her heart from beating. The E.R. docs did a belly tap, and found nothing amiss...while her heart sac slowly filled with blood. Don't mean to be morbid, but all we can do is live each day to the fullest, because many times we ain't got a clue as to whether this day will be our last one, in this world. | ||
safetymike77 |
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Expert Posts: 4533 Location: Ripon, WI | I typically avoid topics like this due to my own brushes with mortality, but hold your head high, and help her handle whatever comes her way with dignity and class. I feel for the both of you. You are the type of people that if you lived here in the states, I know I would want to be around. If you are in Wisconsin, you will have to let all of us know. Bart and I have tried for years to get this region engaged and doing things as a group. I am sure we can figure out something to help you meet as many of us as possible. | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | I'll be in Wisconsin, you will be another I want to catch up with Mike! Tonight we bent the calendar and had our anniversary party. Laurie and Dawn turned up, we got a makeshift cake made at the last minute, we had some iced tea in wine glasses and talked about good times and other things for quite some time. Things are looking good for that fluid buildup, the drain has stopped running and fluid increase is quite small. The doctor tells me that specialists have told him that sometimes it becomes a sticky gooey mess and fluid doesn't come any more. She might avoid that open-chest operation and may get strong enough to handle the chemotherapy. It's not by any means lifesaving, just for comfort and to slow down the cancer, but without a lot of the pain and distress we were looking at. There is apparently a new treatment that relies on the mutation level of the tumor cells, the sample sent away last Friday will reveal whether this is possible or not. If this is possible it will mean a much milder chemotherapy treatment to achieve the same result. Janet, meanwhile, is saying 'yes!' to every possibility of beneficial treatment. (1113anniversarypic.jpg) Attachments ---------------- 1113anniversarypic.jpg (43KB - 235 downloads) | ||
60 dart |
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Expert 5K+ Posts: 8947 Location: WHEELING,WV.>>>HOME OF WWVA | A very touching photo Ray , may God bless your wife and you . | ||
MOPAR-TO-YA |
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Expert 5K+ Posts: 5139 Location: cornpatch county, Southwest IOA | May our well wishes and concern be a comfort to you and your wife and family. .............................MO | ||
hemidenis |
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Expert Posts: 3887 Location: Northen Virginia | Lovely pic!! Best wishes and a fast recovery. I was in a hospital for two moths with my back surgery so I know exactly how visitors and cakes help. | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | Right now Janet is sleeping soundly... I am at her bedside as I will be for the remainder of her time. She never recovered enough to have chemotherapy to delay things, or to go home again, she has one or two or three or maybe four days left. Those days she will live with all the dignity she can muster, and that has proved over the past few weeks to be plenty. I used to say that when she nursed her mother to her final day it brought out the best in her, now that 'best in her' is once again being seen. Fortunately she is not in pain, however much relevant that is when one is facing their end. She is confident, however, that the resurrection that our God promises will see her once again with those she loves. This keeps her upright and secure. | ||
Beltran |
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Expert Posts: 1730 Location: Michigan | Ray, Our thoughts are with you and Janet at this time. God Speed. | ||
PaulH |
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Regular Posts: 85 Location: River Falls, WI | Ray, you and Janet have been in my prayers daily and will continue to be. I'm facing some additional issues my self that I hope will not interfere with your visit next summer. Keep us posted. Paul H | ||
Bart_59_Dodge |
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Expert Posts: 1443 Location: Oconomowoc Wi | Ray, Thank you for sharing yours and Janet's life. If this is to pass, I hope Janet is not struggling, and is resting peacefully and painlessly in Gods plan. It would be our honor and pleasure to meet you when you come to Wisconsin. You will note the thread in our region preplanning for your arrival. Peace be with you both - Bart | ||
hemidave |
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Expert Posts: 4654 | Ray, We are praying for your wife and strength for you in this difficult time. I was at both my father and mothers side , and I know it was of great comfort to them. Our thoughts are with you, Dave and Sandy | ||
57burb |
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Expert Posts: 3966 Location: DFW, TX | Ray, thank you for acknowledging God's blessings in this time. Your love for Janet is strong, and we appreciate you taking the time to share that with us. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. | ||
56RoyalLancer |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 608 Location: Madison, Wisconsin | Ray, Remember that we grieve for ourselves. She will be in a better place without pain or worry. I was with my mother at the end just weeks ago. Know that as difficult as it is, you are there for her as you have always been. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family at this time. Stay strong. | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | Once again, thanks for the thoughts... This little girl and I have not always had harmony in our marriage, there have been times when it's been really difficult in fact. But when you take that into account there is a real irony about what happened last night. She is weakening by the day, I am mostly caring for her in the palliative care ward at the hospital and the greatest of these is taking her to the bathroom. About 24 hours ago I returned her to the bed from such a trip, a 'small step for man' that is filled with stress and difficulty for her in the state of debility of her body. Setting her up to be comfortable, and talking to her about how much I care, she said to me, "It's so sad. I have never really appreciated you!" This at such a time makes me even more sure that I must take care to be in a position to one day be with her again. In fact, the words of the Ricky Nelson song 'There'll Never be Anyone Else for Me but You' have become something of a regular thing in my mind, and on my lips as I sit with her. This same sentiment is what I felt when I first fell for her, when we first wanted to be together. And then this photo, taken on the trip when I drove her from Sydney to Orange to introduce her to my parents almost 25 years ago, was finally digitised and reminded me of something else... how beautiful this little girl was: (1113janetvictoriapass.jpg) Attachments ---------------- 1113janetvictoriapass.jpg (63KB - 224 downloads) | ||
earleebob |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 1120 Location: Brisbane, Australia | Ray great talking to you tonight. That photo is indeed special and the words of your post well chosen. Bob | ||
Kenny J. |
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Inactive by user's request Location: Las Vegas, Nevada | This is the first I've seen of this thread, Ray. Prayers from our family to yours. All the Best, Ken, Tracie and Karla (raybell001.jpg) Attachments ---------------- raybell001.jpg (136KB - 229 downloads) | ||
phins |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 1172 Location: bradenton florida | Sorry to hear about your wife. Hang in there and take each day as it comes. Life changes in an instant, so you have to make the most of it. I've been there with my wife. She had a full cardiac arrest when she was 38 and just by chance I was home that day and was looking at her as she sat on the bed and fell back. I called 911 and started CPR. The hospital did emergency surgery. She went into a coma, during which I prayed she would wake. After 10 days she came back to me. Never give up hope. | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | Ken, you have no idea what that photo means to me! If you go to this page you will find my narrative of our adventures that day. And there was definitely some adventure about it! You'll find there, too, excerpts from my wife's diary about the day, though I didn't start quoting from it until we were actually leaving Vegas. Please have a look, it was quite a day, it's towards the bottom of that page and goes over onto the next page. And thanks for your kind thoughts, phins... is that Jimmy Garner I see in your avatar? He was my favourite Maverick personality and good in Grand Prix as well. | ||
Ray Bell |
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Expert Posts: 2473 Location: Dalveen, Queensland, Australia | The ordeal ended for my little girl this afternoon. At 5pm she stopped breathing, I took her left hand as she slipped away peacefully. She will always remain in my heart, the events of the past few weeks have been so painful that there is no other option. Brave and resolved, she faced her fate quietly and thought everything through. I completed the last of the tasks she charged me with just hours before she died. It is amazing just how many people have shown tears over her plight, people who have come to know her, like her and respect her. People who saw her as someone special. | ||
Administrator |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 967 Location: Pittsburgh, PA | Ray, so sorry to hear of your loss. Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. | ||
57burb |
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Expert Posts: 3966 Location: DFW, TX | I am sorry Ray. My thoughts and prayers are with you. | ||
wizard |
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Board Moderator & Exner Expert 10K+ Posts: 13042 Location: Southern Sweden - Sturkö island | Ray, my deepest condolences to you and your family in this sad moment | ||
Rebels-59 |
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Board Moderator & Exner Expert 10K+ Location: .Norfolk..Mafia.. ,England UK | Sorry for your lose Ray. Just remember she is at rest and pain free now.. Clive UK | ||
56RoyalLancer |
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Elite Veteran Posts: 608 Location: Madison, Wisconsin | Ray, I am sorry for your lose. My condolences to you and your family. Greg in WI | ||
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