IML: Impala Driver vs. Imperial Driver
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IML: Impala Driver vs. Imperial Driver



Imperialists,
    
    The next time someone mistakes your car for the aforementioned, note we Imperialists generally frown on rodding ourselves, as well as our cars, for MANY reasons:
 
ybshore
 
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Ladies and Gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award 
(awarded, as always, posthumously): 
 
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal 
embedded  in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a
curve.  The  wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car.
The  type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators 
finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... had
somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel 
rocket) that  is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for 
taking  off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into
the desert  and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO
unit  to the  car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! 
 
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of
the  1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately
3.0  miles  from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and
melted  asphalt at that location. 

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust 
within  5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 
350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25
seconds.  The  driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually  reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing  him  to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the 
automobile  remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20
seconds)  before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing
the  tires  and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming 
airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a
height of  125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most
of  the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of 
bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and
bone  shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion
of  the  steering wheel. 
  Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground 
speed  of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not  actually on  the  ground. 
 
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
 



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